the you in all your songs

12.29.2009 i love this date.
almost a year to the date that eben and I first started working on the demos sitting on his couch with our gibson guitars, i have finished most of my vocal work on my second album...which has been the most mentally challenging process for me. my voice is a blessing and a curse.i wish i could say it's been a breeze.that this journey has been enjoyable. i wish i could say that i nailed these songs on the first take. i wish i could say i was born to do this but i can't. it's been quite the journey: me and this album. i have felt like quitting this a hundred times. i had to walk away from the songs for a couple months when i had a melt down in the studio when my throat really closed shut trying to sing...when i couldn't even remember how to sing a simple line. i had to put my guitar down and just walk away...but i came back with a new approach and i found my place in these songs. if i had any confidence going into the making of this album- it quickly evaporated. that girl who lives in my head the one who says those shitty things like: you're band's really good, you're lucky to have them but you'll never live up to them- you'll make them regret laying down their tracks- you'll make them sorry they agreed to play on this. Yes- she's a charmer- and it's only been in the last 3 weeks that I have started winning the never ending battle with her. i started hearing my album for the first time. i could hear the easiness in my voice. i started connecting to the way i live in my songs - i lived in the movie of the song that plays in my mind as i sang them. tonight- i recorded my last final vocal for a really old song- a song i recorded on my first album- called anita pallenberg- a song that aound this time last year came to take on a new relevance ... i wrote the song about a rock star i was infatuated with in 2002 and somehow i found another one to sing about...funny how i travel like that. as i sang the song tonight i tasted his lips again,i smelled his hair, i lived the dream i had for him ...again.

i could be the you in all your songs
and you could sing to me when everything goes wrong

i like the way eben and i work together. there are no warm ups- no practice runs. no lights . no official points like 'OK ! GO!' the song starts playing and i start singing... tonight the opening lines from our final take was taken from my first take. The rest of the song weaves in and out of takes IV and V- but i am so proud that our favorite opening verse came from my first take.

this album has made me doubt my self a million times. if the thoughts of worthlessness could kill me i probably would have died from the making of this in august...but i didn't. with white knuckles i've held on.

i have gotten away from listening(read: torturing myself) to the takes over and over and over. today i listened to the final vocal we recorded last week for the first time as i walked my dogs in the snowy field and ended up listening to the album in its entirety...i was,for the first time, really proud of it and of me. i could hear a cohesiveness- i could hear my album. i could hear the girl who sat with her guitar and wrote those songs on couches, back porches, in stores after hours and while driving down the road. we made the songs come to life...me, eben, schey, todd, ian, jack and macy ...there are still some surprises to come but for now- there's a calm in the knowing that we're getting really close now.

i remember the exact date this album was born- that summer day in july '07 with my new band and my new life. i wondered, can i really make a rock album? i've always wanted to but certain voices over the years said 'you're not good enough, jami' and I believed them. but it was jefferson, todd, ian, willy and craigy- who first gave me the encouragement to make this album. and while i've taken some detours and the scenic route at night, i am getting close to it being done. trust me, i have no idea what i am doing or where i am going but i do know i made a promise to myself, my band and my executive producer that i would finish this- and twenty ten is the year...

i could stand on the side of the stage
and smile all the while you're giving yourself away


with out the breakdowns there are no break throughs

jami lunde
lyons colorado