Old South St Vrain (Airstream)

Photo Old South St Vrain by Jami Lunde

Lyontown. That's what I call the place I call home. As Craig Ferguson, the owner of Planet Bluegrass, told me once, He brought each one of us here, one person at a time. I started coming to Lyons in the late 90s for the Folks Festival held at the Planet Bluegrass Ranch, which wound up changing my entire life. I came first for the Folks Fest, then The Song School, then, when I had no place else to go, I came to Lyons and asked her to take me in, to give me a home of my own. She at times, was my only friend and She's never let me down.Every time I'd leave Lyons after spending a week there in the summers for the music festival and song school, I'd cry and cry the whole way back to my mountain home 3 hours away. It was like I was being ripped away from my only true self.

It was through an ad I placed on Craigslist that I found my first place to call home in Lyons. I was in Sumbawa, Indonesia at the time when a girl read my ad that said, 'I am a musician in Indonesia, wanting to move to Lyons, I have very little money, and I will live in your barn, yurt, Airstream, basement, attic or room in your house...just looking for a place to land.' Amy Jensen replied and said, I wasn't even really looking for a roommate but I have a room in my house and you can live here. So when I landed back in L.A., collected my few belongings, I drove out to Lyons with my best friend, to see if it would work.

My friend and I followed Amy's directions to her house up on Longmont Dam Road, below the Button Rock Reservoir, I couldn't believe my luck. Amy's place was right on the St Vrain river in a red rock canyon. I lived there for six months, got a job waiting tables and bar tending at the local bar and started writing the songs that would end up being on my second album, Big Black Birds. 

It wasn't the easiest of transitions though. When I moved there, I was thinking that since I knew so many people that lived there, I was going to be surrounded with musicians and friends...My friends who did live there when I arrived, had their own lives going on, the day to day normalness, and a few of the people I thought would be there, had recently moved on to Brooklyn...It wasn't how I had imagined it. The Bar I got a job at was one of the most difficult places I'd ever worked at...it took about 6 months before I had any friends there, too.  I had a friend who owned a house in downtown Lyons and was looking to rent out her garage. I jumped on it. I would be able to live alone but yet with people. I lived there for about 3 years while I worked at the Bar, recorded my album and played shows. My neighbors became my family. 

After three years of living in the garage apartment, my friend who owned the house, said that her boyfriend was moving in and that they were going to remodel the garage...that meant I had to move out. The main problem was, I didn't want to go. I didn't want to leave Lyons. So I started looking for other places in town to rent...that sounds easier than it is. I found one place a few blocks away in an artist's home...it was a little lock off studio that looked like the perfect place for me... I had my two dogs and I was grateful to have  plan...About 10 days before I was to move in, that woman who owned the house, called and left me a message, that after second thought, she didn't want me and my dogs... I was heartbroken. I had just started dating a man about 4 months previously who lived about 2 hours away up in the mountain town of Frisco, where I was spending a lot of time. It wasn't my original plan to move in with him that soon, but after a long day out on Lake Dillon, canoeing and talking, we decided that I would move in with him, he would watch my dogs while I kept my job at the bar, and I could try and find a place to stay while I worked that would take me with out my dogs. 

My reflection in the Airstream

Photo Jami Lunde

Across the street from my garage apartment, was an old Airstream travel trailer. I knew the owner of this and had always pestered him to let me move into it. He always replied that I had dogs and they would ruin it. So now that I had a place with my guy for my dogs, I asked the owner of it again...this time he said yes... So for the next year, I lived in the Airstream during the time I worked at the bar, and I on my days off I drove up to Frisco. 

The  Airstream in the Winter with the St Vrain below

Around a year later, I was fired from my job at the bar...it was time. But it was my job that technically kept me there. My friend who owned the Airstream, said, I know this is your home, keep the key and come anytime you want.  The Airstream was perched over looking the North Fork of the St Vrain River...I spent many days, holed up inside her belly watching the black squirrels run in the trees and the birds splashing in the water. I wrote many songs in there and spent a lot of time just thinking. I also was very lost and very depressed. It was my alone time in the Airstream that made me feel better. Even as I split my time between Lyons and Frisco, and towns in between playing shows, I always called Lyons home. As time went on, I realized that trailer living was for me...a little place of my own. So with the help of my friend who owned the Airstream, we found my dream trailer, a 1959 Pink Kenskill...and it's been in Lyons for the last year, where I stay in it while I am 'visiting'...which is often. This spring, we moved my kenskill to the spot closest to the river where the Airstream once sat for years...My door and windows were just feet above the North Fork...it was my paradise. 

Photo Jami Lunde

Photo Jami Lunde

River right out my window

That little corner of the word, at 4th and Evans by the footbridge, I don't know how to explain it...but that's where my soul feels like it belongs. That's where my people are. 

I left Lyons last Sunday night as I had a house to clean in Frisco on Monday. As usual I was planning on coming back later in the week, to spend the weekend and hang out with friends. We have tickets to see Neko Case tonight... that seems like the least of our concerns anymore. On early Thursday morning, while I was in Frisco, my dog, Gibson, woke me up around 3:30 am to go outside. I use my iPhone as a flash light to navigate my way in the dark, upstairs from my basement to let him outside. While I wait for him, I check in on Facebook. I saw posts from friends who were hearing those God awful loud emergency sirens they test the first Monday of every month and evacuating their homes. They are there for a reason...but who would have ever predicted being awoken at 2 am to leave home?

JMac's House taken from where my trailer was just sitting. Photo Whitney Way

I thought of my friends and neighbors who live in my neighborhood on both side of the St Vrain River...Especially, my friend JMac, who owns the house and land where my trailer is on and my friends, Annie and Eben who live the next house down also directly above the river. I called JMac, and he was already evacuated at the Lyons' Elementary School and said the water was not to my trailer yet. As the day went on, and we talked every half hour or so, me in Frisco and him in Lyons, I knew my trailer wasn't his first priority. His house, tenants, cats, belongings and vehicles were... But at a certain point, listening to him tell me about how his cats were all sleeping in their crates in his jeep, I said, Jmac, while it's calm, move my trailer, more rain is on the way. At this point, water was rising and just feet from the tires. My trailer was attached to his old brown Willy's Jeep that was nosed up to the guard rail right above the river embankment on a slight down hill slant. JMac, finally realized the danger and told me he would work out getting it out. Just last week, we had moved the trailer from where it's been all spring and summer...as it was attached to an old milk truck in the same location, but the milk truck was sinking into the ground and we knew we had to move things around before it was impossible to later. It took JMac and I probably an hour to move things around. The Milk Truck and my trailer were so heavy and stuck, that we broke several tow ropes and chains trying to get them pulled out with the Dodge Dully. But after several attempts, and me digging the tires of the milk truck out of the dirt, and we borrowed a super fat tow chain from some neighbors, we were mobile again. The milk truck is for sale, so we used his old brown Willy's Jeep to tow the trailer back in place...to the lovely spot perched right above the river. 

Summer above the river

Gibson fishing for rocks in the North Drinking Pool

I was on Facebook all morning, following all the posts from friends in Lyons, who still had cell service and batteries. My friend, Whitney, posted a video of JMac pulling my trailer away from the high and rising water. 
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I watched on my phone as she posted it. I was so relieved. About an hour later, JMac, called to tell me that the spot where the brown Jeep was had now collapsed into the river...and had the Jeep, which the trailer was attached to, not been moved, they too would be in the river. I had a feeling that things were going to be getting worse.

Photo Whitney Way

This is a photo of the space where the Jeep was pulled up to (a little to the right and more down hill). 

Here is what happened just a couple hours from when the trailer was moved...That is my blue cooler that I kept out in front of the trailer.
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 The rest of that day, more images and videos came in through Facebook, showing the world mind blowing images. Like this one from our beloved Planet Bluegrass Ranch.

Photo Jeff Scroggins

Photo I snapped from an areal video i found on Facebook.

And this one of the mobile home park where many of our friends live...

Photo Jim Botsford

 It's just horrendous. Yesterday, most of my friends who were in Lyons, were stuck there, with no way in or out. The news reports coming in were saying that roads were washed out and Lyons was cut off from the world but that the National Guard and FEMA were on the way. I didn't hear from my friends, Annie and Eben or JMac. I worried myself into knots thinking about both of their homes that sit right on the river. Coincidentally, Jmac, is selling this house and my best friend, had this week put in an offer on it, so we could live there forever. 

A drawing I did this week before the flood. 

Today, I am hearing from people who are getting out. They are saying that people should evacuate and that it will be at least 3-4 weeks that Lyons will be with out the basics : electricity, phones, sewer and gas... I am seeing photos of friends' houses that were destroyed and friends' houses we thought were destroyed but are bone dry. These natural disasters have no rhyme or reason. 

What I do know for certain. I love Lyontown more than any place on Earth. I knew that from the minute I first came to that town all those years ago. This town will rebuild. Our communal love for this place we all chose to spend our lives will get us through. 

I read on Facebook this morning that Annie and Eben are ok. Their house is flooded but still standing... 

Annie and Eben Taken in July at the Grace Design 20 year anniv party in Lyons. (by Jami Lunde) 

 It feels really weird to not be in Lyons right now with my friends, neighbors and community. I am alone here in Frisco with my dogs. There is nothing I can do now, no way in to town and no reason to get in the way. I am doing what I can though from here...Organizing a benefit concert for Wed Sept 18 at Oskar Blues Home Made Liquids and Solids...where we will raise money and take donations for Lyons' flood victims. As usual, it's the least I can do. When things get more stable, I will offer my cleaning services to my friends and neighbors who need it. 

When I was about 14 my house was burned down by a serial arsonist. We had no insurance and no  money. It was 3 days after Christmas...our town gathered around us. The folk music venue my Mom ran, hosted a benefit for us where all the musicians played. It got us back on our feet. Life was forever changed but we still had a life to live. That's what we do...we just do what has to be done. The waters will go down, the debris will get cleaned up, and we will rebuild and We will talk about this flood for the rest of our lives and we will continue living the dream.

Sunset in Lyons...

 These are the lyrics I wrote March 20, 2011

Lyontown

YOU GAVE ME A HOME WHEN I HAD NO PLACE TO GO

YOU GAVE ME HOPE WHEN I WAS AT THE END OF MY ROPE

YOU FOUND ME WORK WHEN MY POCKETS WERE EMPTY

WHEN I FALL YOU ALWAYS CATCH ME

I OPEN THE WINDOWS I FEEL THE SPRING BLOWING IN

LOOKS LIKE I MADE IT THOUGH THE WINTER AND I'M WAKING UP AGAIN

YOU ARE THE PLACE WHERE I QUIET MY MIND

YOUR ARMS HOLD ME ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT

LYONTOWN 

I CAN'T LEAVE YOU BUT I'VE NEVER REALLY TRIED

WITH ALL THIS SUNSHINE, BLACK BIRDS AND BLUE SKIES

I AM YOUR AND YOU ARE MINE WE GO TOGETHER LIKE CHERRY BLOSSOMS AND SPRING TIME

LYONTOWN

LYONTOWN

LYONTOWN

YOU GAVE ME FRIENDS WHEN I WAS SO ALL ALONE

YOU BROUGHT ME TO THE RIVER WHERE I SIT AND STACK THE STONES

YOU BROUGHT ME MUSIC AND NEW SONGS TO SING

SEEMS LIKE ROUND HERE THERE'S MUSIC IN EVERYTHING

I WAS SO YOUNG WHEN WE FIRST MET

ALL THOSE YEARS AGO AND I'M NOT TIRED OF YOU YET

AN OLD AIRSTREAM IS MY HUMBLE ABODE

I AM JUST LUCKY YOU LET ME CALL YOU HOME

LYONTOWN

LYONTOWN

LYONTOWN

JAMI LUNDE

Dirty Laundry

I've never been one to air my dirty laundry. I am the one who hangs her clothes out on the line, color coordinated, perfectly spaced with a vintage laundry basket leaning up underneath a shady tree...ready for the photo shoot. I have always been one to put up a strong front. However, this winter has about done me in... Yes, I know, people deal with stress, rejection, disappointment, loss, failure, anxiety and depression on a daily basis... and I am another one on the list... 

In the last 5 years, I have put  all of my eggs in the music basket. I have been asking my music to give me all of the things in my life that had been missing on some level previosly: love, acceptance,approval, friends, peace, growth, connection, community,self expression, self approval, a worthiness, a place to belong, a place to shine from and on and on...

Photo Jami Lunde Band Sol Shine Festival by Nate Purcell

In releasing my 2nd album, Big Black Birds, in Summer of 2011, I have lived so many of my dreams, played with so many amazing musicians, and played my songs from some stages that some only dream of...I have also played hundreds of corners, empty rooms, patios, beer gardens, barns and up against walls...just trying to be heard...often times, ignored, TVs flashing all over the room. I get to watch more sporting events than I've ever cared to, all the while, singing the songs of my soul...It's a really strange and sad place to be. I chalk it up to paying my dues. That it is character building. That it will make me a stronger performer. In the past few years, I have only pulled the plug on two shows,mid show...when the discomfort of playing a certain situation (Like the next band loading in all thier gear, right in front of my mic while I was playing a solo outdoor show, moving tables all around and in general disregarding me in every way...and one time, playing to an empty, tin-y sports bar, with TVs still on...not even turned down...) Both events caused crushing. Crushing to all that is good in me. So I made deals with myself, saying 'well, I won't play there anymore...' 'I have to set higher standards for myself...' In some ways I've honored those things and in other ways I haven't. 

Most of the time, I play for free...with the hope of getting tips,a cut of the door, or selling CDs and finding the people who want to hear my music...Some times I get lucky and get paid. I try to do venues favors, playing for nothing, while trying my hardest to bring a crowd with me...(all of whom already have my CD) maybe making $20...In the past 5 years, I have always paid my band mates regardless of if I get paid or not... and after doing my taxes in 2012, I realized that most shows cost me $75-$100 to play. So if a venue doesn't pay me, promote the show on their end, put up my poster or do any online shout-outs, by the time I go on stage the wind is out of my sails...knowing before I even start  that my last $100 is going to pay for playing...often times to no one... No one likes to admit that. I won't speak for anyone but me...but I will say, I don't draw much of a crowd. I don't think it's because I am not talented..I am  the best I've ever been. I think it is because I am not the party girl...I am not the cover band, I don't play up beat string band music, and I won't hippy jam band anyone, ever...So I try and find my way through the tighest cracks...trying to find the open doors... 

In the past few months, I can't tell you how many people I run into who I am Facebook friends with, who  comment on how great things are for me. How I am just living the dream. How envious they are of my life. I wonder, am I telling lies on Facebook? (I am not.) How can they not see what a struggle my life is? It is my choice, Yes, I know. This is all my doing. It's what I thought I was meant to be doing...With in the last week or so, what I've realized is that my well is empty... The disappointments, let downs, rejections, and stress have all taken their toll on me... All I can hear in my head are  people who are more successful that me, saying 'And You thought the music industry was gonna be easy!?' or just laughing at me... I try to quiet that voice, but lately my reality has been so devestating that the  voice is getting louder and louder. 

Yes, I am borderline crazy. I have suffered my whole life with depression and in the last 3 1/2 years since I quit drinking, my anxiety has become so severe, that I can barely go out. I am so sensitive to all things: drunk people, cigarette smoke, loud TVs, and small talk. I may hide this...but if you look closer, you'll see. I arrive to the show at the last minute and I am packed up and back in my car with in minutes of the show being over. I'd rather drive 3 hours back to the safety of my own bed than sleep in someone's spare room or on their couch...Many times, I sleep in my car...and I am OK with that...or I have been ok with that. The reality of that is that all the isolation, leaves me isolated and alone... not much room for creating the relationships that I was once so much part of... or that I need in my life. 

I've lost the majority of my friends... and the friends I do have are musicians...who are busy with their own shows and their own issues... I have moved away from my community in Lyons to be with my boyfriend...but I have no friends here besides him... So I spend a great deal of time alone. Which is something not only am I used to, but now I've  become so accustomed to it and  I have this incredibly annoying thing called 'Misophonia' (google it) And  It is ruining the relationships that I do have and makes my quality of life down right dismal. 

Photo: Craig Story Tahiti 

So... what I've come to realize is that...I need a break. I need to refill my well with things other than music...I need to create a more balanced life. I need to find the things that make me happy... That aren't soul crushing. I need to feel the sun on my skin, spend countless hours in the blue and the green, get lost on some dirt road in a place where I don't speak the language. I need to do things that actually fill me up and make me smile...somewhere along the way, I've lost most all of that. That was never my intention but it is my reality...or at least it's the reality I am choosing to believe...yes, I know that too... I can choose another way to look at things...but at this point, I just feel so empty that I can't muster up the energy to work up different ways of looking at things... 

Blah Blah Blah...yes I know, there are many more people in the world with bigger problems than this...and perhaps that's what I should be focusing on...getting outside of myself, doing something for someone else...something that doesn't revolve around ME...creating music, writing songs, playing shows or self promotion. 

In the past year I've been tuning in to the musicians who are way more down the road than I am...who have like 10 album under their belts...the ones who talk about their struggles, their doubts, their depression and anxiety...and I know there's an ebb and a flow, highs and lows, ups and downs, good times and bad...and that we must take them all in stride... I know that, for me...music can't be my only hat. It can't be the end all (although that's how I've treated it, how I've come to expect it, and how I've needed it to be). 

This whole journey, from leaving the life I used to know and all the security that came along with it, to the new starts and fresh beginnings, to the highs that were so high and hitting one rock bottom after another...well, it's all part of it. I know that I am traveling in circles...and it looks like I am currently in the belly of the circle...which is a hard rise back up to the top...but I have faith that I will make it back up and out of this dark time eventually. 

So for now, I am going to honor the shows I have booked, play my heart out, regardless of audience numbers, work hard and save money so I can get some stamps in my passport, feel the sun on my skin, find the blue and the green and get to the place with in myself, again, that I've lost somewhere along the way. I know music will always be part of my life...I will always write songs and play instruments...but I also know, that I need my well to be full so I can continue to make albums and go where the doors open. I've worn out so many pairs of boots kicking down the doors and my knuckles are bloody from all the banging...There's got to be another way...I still have the wanderlust, so I am searching for this so called 'other way.'  

Photo of Prue Morrison, Lombok, Indonesia by Jami Lunde