You know when they say: Don't meet your heroes, you'll only be disappointed? I used to tend to believe that... What would I ever say to Joni Mitchell, Bob Dylan or Neil Young that hasn't already been said before? I always said I never wanted to meet any of my musical 'heroes' for lack of a better word as a fan...I am not an autograph seeker- although, one time when I ran into Emmylou Harris, she was signing autographs for a crowd of people and I had a note book with me that I numbly just handed to her- I realized right then that I didn't want to be the autograph seeker- I just really wanted to say hi. I went through a little phase of collecting guitar picks as well (I still have a Patty Griffin and an Emmy Lou Harris pick. I even got a whole set of finger picks from Mark Van,Banjo player From Leftover Salmon,who sadly died from melanoma but that was also short lived) When I started playing music myself, I realized I don't really want anything from the musicians I love- but I just like to share the love to music and a few laughs or moments together- that's all it's about...
Since I've been playing music and releasing albums over the past 8 years, I have come to the point where I don't really want to meet my favorite musicians as a fan but rather as someone who is a peer- albeit many steps behind- but at least on a similar playing field... Being in the music production business with my own Awnry Girl Productions since 2004, I have met many of my musical heroes and heroines...many of whom I'd consider friends now. I never looked at them like they were any different that me- they just were on a different path or at various stages in their careers... For many years, I was the founder and head talent buyer for a Folky/Americana Festival in Colorado and I got a budget from the town I lived in to book who I wanted to come play...Every year I'd put in offers with bands like Son Volt, The Knitters, and The Jayhawks...I found out the pay range of the artists I really wanted :Ryan Adams, Lucinda Williams, and Wilco but could not even make serious offers with them... So I brought the bands who would come who I loved... and dreamed of a day when either the budget for the festival was big enough to bring the big names in my book...or that I would become enough on my own as an artist to have the opportunity to cross paths them... It doesn't mean anything, really, to meet my heroes...sometimes it is just enough to know that I live during the same time as Bob Dylan. That somewhere out there Keith Richards is playing guitar with those knobby fingers. That Joni Mitchell is probably smoking a cigarette and painting... Most of the time it is enough. It seems this year as my new album came out serendipitous encounters have been occurring when I least expect it... And every time it happens I don't really feel nervous, but I am just in the knowing...the knowing that I am on course sailing in the right direction.
Last night was one example worth mentioning... I got a very unexpected treat- tickets to see Lucinda Williams... It was even better that the tickets came from the co-producer of my new album as well as dinner with him, his wife (one of my favorite funny friends), my guy and our other friend...while dinner with a group of friends seems like a total normal thing that happens all the time...it doesn't happen with me all that much...so it was a really special night just for that. To me it was an early birthday present-as I am about a month away from turning 40 and what has become really clear to me is that I just want to spend time with my closest friends every chance I get...I don't want presents or cards (although those are nice) I just want time to spend with the people I love most...
So after our dinner we made it to the Paramount Theater, one of Denver's most beautiful venues and realized our tickets were front row (center it turned out). My friend is friends with Lucinda's front of house sound engineer and he set us up! I always say that I either want to be on stage,back stage or in the front row- and those seat were ridiculously perfect. Our tickets also came with an after show backstage pass. I figured there would be a lot of people hanging around after the show and maybe we'd see her sitting on the couch talking to her friends...I had no expectations of actually meeting her. Not that I put her up on such a pedestal but just because I wouldn't want to bother her...
So the show was great. She was better than I've ever seen her. In many ways : mentally, physically, emotionally... Her band was right on. It didn't matter really what songs she played as I love them all but the high lights for me were :Pineola, Essence, and Copenhagen... She encouraged the sit down crowd to get up and dance and the whole place stood up which made for a way more fun show...Not too often do I actually dance...I know that's sad...but it's true. It was one of those concerts that you know when it's happening that it's going to be one that you'll remember for a long time.
So after the show, they asked the 6 of us with the after show passes to just wait over by the back stage curtains...It was just us and couple guys who were friends with Butch, the drummer. James, the sound engineer friend, came over to us and escorted us back stage... I knew that backstage from being back there for other shows and I knew it was pretty small. I didn't want to bother her, so we initially went over to the kitchen area and had a seat... I had to use the bathroom, so I went wandering down the hall and ran into James who showed me to the bathroom, which was where Lucinda was talking with my friend and her husband... When I was done and coming out, he introduced me to her and her husband Tom. I wasn't nervous. I know she's just a regular person just like we all are... and she was exactly how I thought she was gonna be or how I wanted her to be. My friend told James and Lucinda that while we were all fans, that it was me that was the super fan...I shook my head agreeing to her and just said thank you for a great show and told her what a true fan I am of her music. She was just really genuine and said thanks. We must of hung out there with her for about an hour or so, just talking and telling stories. My friend told her about my new album (something I would not have pushed) and she said she wanted to hear it. I purposely didn't bring a copy of it with me because I didn't want to have any agenda. I just wanted to spend a night with friends. I think she must of realized that I knew my Lucinda history when we were talking all about her guitar players, her albums and the state of country music... I listened more than I spoke and just took it all in. At the end when her tour manager came in and said 'you don't have to go home but you can't stay here' we all said our goodbyes. She gave me a hug and touched my sea foam green Bakelite rose necklace and told me how much she liked it...she said for me to get her my music and I told Tom, I'd get in touch with him.
We walked out past her big, bright,shiny bus parked down the alley, to our cars and while the whole night seemed surreal in a way, it also just seemed really normal. I felt like all roads had lead me right there...
As my guy drove us west, we found out the road that takes us home was closed so we flipped it around and headed towards my airstream in Lyons... As he drove, I sat there thinking of the first time I heard her music...It was through Evan Dando of The Lemonheads. I saw him circa 1991/92 at The Cabaret Metro in Chicago and he did the song 'The Night's Too Long'. I was floored by the song and when he said that it was by Lucinda Williams, I went the next day to Reckless Records and bought her first three albums... My life changed that day. I found someone who was singing my life back to me... I was just 20 then and Lucinda Williams was the voice and the song writer I had been waiting for...
A few years later, when I was 23 and living in Colorado and picked up the guitar again...it was Lucinda Williams' songs I started learning : Side of The Road, Something About What Happens When We Talk and The Night's Too Long to name a few... And then in 1998, Car Wheel On A Gravel Road came out right as I was starting to play out and getting paid for it...I learned every song on that record. I could sing them as our voices fall in the same range...where as Joni Mitchell, Shawn Colvin, Emmy Lou Harris, Patty Griffin and Rickie Lee Jones were mostly out of my range... Car Wheels was what I cut my song writing teeth on. And now over 14 years later, it is Lucinda that I refer to... When ever I get lost along the way, I just ask myself, What Would Lucinda Williams do? And I find the answer...
So in getting to not only meet her the other night, we got to hang out like friends, talking music, books, photography and skin care (believe it or not)... Whether or not anything ever comes from this meeting- it was enough just to be there. It would be nice to have her hear my record and love it...I'd love to think someday that I might get the chance to work with her...I mean those things happen to other people, right? Trust me, I sent Tom a message asking him where I can send the album already...and now I am just back to the normal day to day...but feeling that I am on the right path.
It was really sweet to see her during the show looking past her guitar player, Blake, towards the side stage area and just light up...My girl friend and I both said her husband must be right there looking on... She looked so at ease in her own skin and happy... just rocking the fuck out... and it gave me hope that at 57, I too can find my place in my own skin...I am not there yet but with women like Lucinda Williams kicking down the doors for girls like me... I feel I have a bright-ish future to live into. Now That I am in the final stretches of my 30s I look so forward to the wisdom and decisions that my 40s will bring...I can't think of a better bookend for this end of this chapter in my life. As it turns out it's also the bookend for what's next...
we were blessed by the forlorn forsaken and abused
we were blessed
yeah we were blessed
